Stop that Frogwish!

The Story

So, this happened with me very lately. I had a friend from my office. I say “had” because he isn’t my friend now. Yes, I unfriended him. What made me do this? Well, we had been friends for a good amount of time. He was new at my office once. The relation was transformed to friends from colleagues as we started talking and sharing common grounds. I found him intelligent as he talked and opined wisely on wide variety of topics. But this was all until yesterday. The new year eve was on head and I was finding it hard to decide where to go for outing on the occasion of 1st day of the new year. As it was Sunday, this was a good opportunity for a day out. “Please suggest me some good places we can visit in Pune,” I asked him. He replied with the same excitement as I had asked. “Well, this this place is awesome to go. Here you can do this, there you can do that.” And he convinced me so well that I instantly subscribed to his idea. “Well then let’s do this!” I replied with an enthusiasm. “Let’s go there on Sunday, I’ll pick you up at 11 am. Where should I?” I asked him with a twinkling eyes. I was happy because I had got what I wanted. I wanted company of him. Because this was a new friend of mine and we never had spent time outside office hours. I wanted some time together so that we can strengthen our bond. I had other friends in my mind as well, but I was thinking of this friend because of his wisdom in talks. So, as I started planning about this Sunday trip with him, he said, “No Sumiet, I have some other plans with my friends. I don’t know the exact plan yet, but they are planning something for sure.” “Yes, but you can tell them that you have already decided something as they are late to tell you their plans,” I answered with agitation. He had declined my proposal for some random things which he was even yet to discover. “You take your other friends na“, he advised me for free. I said “Yes, but I wanted to spend some time with you,” with a low tone as I revolved my chair towards my desktop and started working again. He saw the disappointment in my tone but this didn’t make any difference to him. Not for me either. Later, we were talking with each other just like we used to. This was on Friday. And the very next day, Saturday evening, while he was about to leave the office, he said something to me. “Hey Sumiet, chalo then, Wish you a Happy New Year. Enjoy Tomorrow. See you on Monday.” I heard this while I was working on my office files. But I didn’t raise my head, neither did I looked at him. “Sumiet?” he repeated again. But still I didn’t respond and he left the office in silence.

Do you think was I angry? No, not all. How would I had been angry when I had already called my other friends and made out the Sunday schedule on Friday evening itself. So was I disheartened? No, that wasn’t either. I was happy and super excited for the Sunday, especially for the new year 2023 as I had made some good resolutions to follow. What was it then? Was it my ego? No, I don’t think so. Because, I was actually going to wish him the same with a good will and a sparkling smile, but then I refrained myself. I controlled the urge of moment and sat still. Why? The actual answer is, because I didn’t like being fake. But he did. He wished me a Happy New Year without any effort from his side to make my day happy, leave alone the whole year. Did wishing me required him any money? No, he did that for free. Did wishing me required him any feelings? No, absolutely not. Did wishing me required him to spend his precious time with me? No, except those few seconds he spent uttering the boring wish. So I conclude that this wish for me costed him nothing and was for free. It was just a formality. Just a fakeness, lacking any emotions. This wish was nothing but a Frogwish. And had I asked him for this generous Frogwish? No, never.

See, I am mature enough to understand that people have their life, their plans. And all the above scenario is trivial. It would have showed my immaturity but only if I had written all this only because of the above incident. But no, this was actually a trigger for me to write this post. I had this in mind since so many years and now this is the time I finally write on this topic. Because, today I have grown up to a state that I can’t stand fakeness, however little the importance of the conversation may be.

What is a Frogwish?

 A frogwish is a dry wish for others with an absence of efforts, emotions and genuineness in the wishing person. This is a fake wish resulted from either a formality or sake of conversation. People use this to pass their free time or to portray themselves as a noble and sensible person. You are frogwished when they wish you aloud a happy married life in your marriage ceremony but are super envious inside finding hard to figure out how the hell you got such a beautiful partner. Another example of frogwishing is when you tell your mom triumphantly that you have found a good diet for your weight loss plan and she replies “Best of Luck, Girl !” yawning and laying still continuing watching her favourite episode on TV.

Do we really need Frogwishes?

I don’t like fakeness, I bet neither do you. Ask everyone here and they will tell you the same. They don’t like fakeness. But still you will find fakesters on your every step of life. People will fake feelings, will fake compliments, will fake wishes. But for what? God knows. What I know is we shouldn’t be fake, neither we should encourage others to be. Instead of Frogwishing, we should do some efforts. Because talking is free but doing something has some costs. Don’t wish a person happy new year, make their year happy by spending the first day of the year with them. Don’t call someone and say Happy Birthday, just make their birthday happy by throwing a party for them. Don’t type congratulations on their LinkedIn profile when they get a good job, take time and meet them in person to congratulate them. Don’t say best of luck to your friend for his job interview, share with him/her some quality tips. Don’t wish your parents a long life, make their life longer by not hurting them. Don’t wish your girlfriend happy anniversary, gift her your time, love and fidelity. Don’t just wish, do it ! What’s the use WhatsApping Happy Diwali to a broadcast list of your friends when you don’t have an hour to visit any single of them and exchange sweets? Does anyone beg you for Happy this Happy that? No. Nobody has time for this random shit. People are busy. They are engaged in their day to day lives. They are striving and working hard to better their lives. They don’t need your frogwishes. What they need are your real wishes. They need some time out of your precious life. They need some of your efforts, because their efforts are falling short in this rapidly widening gap of ambitions. They need your emotions, because emotions going rare. So don’t frogwish people. Stop faking wishes and start acting real ! Start doing things for them or just stay still, like I did that day when he wished me a happy new year. Don’t encourage those frogwishers. Stand up for yourself. Be genuine, even if it seems rude. I have written another post on How to Stand Up for Yourself. And if you really wish for someone, make sure it isn’t fake or dry. Put a bit of your time, feelings and efforts towards those wishes. Stop that frogwishing. People will value this and you will never know when this made a difference in their life, and in yours.